Relationship Red Flags You Should Look Out For
Written by: Lizzie | image: @martasyrko
Really knowing who you're dating can be tricky at first, especially when they are selling us the dream and pulling the wool completely over our eyes.
If you’re clued up on the subject of ‘red flags’ then you may be warier… however, for all the ladies that are unaware of some serious alarm bells to look out for— tune in, because this is stuff us girls NEED to know so we can stay away from toxic men.
- If he doesn’t want to interact with your friends and family (& he doesn’t want you interacting with his friends & fam)
This could be slightly concerning & problematic in your relationship, if your friends and family aren’t merging with the person you are dating – this has significant potential to isolate you so that you only spend time with HIM. This is a big no-no, as you could lose people around you – you don’t want that when you may need them most. It also shows signs that he may not be invested in you, long-term.
- If everything is on their terms
This can vary from what time he’s seeing you, what you’re doing on your dates, if he turns up late (or doesn’t turn up at all) or only wanting to see you ‘out of hours’ (honey, you’re not a bat or an owl – don’t mess up your sleeping pattern for a man!)
If he is always deciding and if he isn’t checking with you that it’s okay –he’s no gentleman. Set those boundaries girl.
- Belittling you
It can be as trivial as mocking your handwriting, if he nit-picks and puts you down with even the smallest of things, you need to get out. Your self-confidence could be stripped away. Also, if you pull him up on it and he responds with – “it was only a jOkE” – this is a form of gaslighting, making you feel as though you’re overreacting and that your feelings shouldn’t be valid – when they absolutely ARE
- Implying what you should and shouldn’t wear
If red flags could speak – this one would be saying “RUN”. If a man is wanting control over YOUR outfits, he wants control over YOU. You are not his dolly – wear what you damn want to. It’s never his choice to make.
Supposedly, we all love a boy with confidence, right? However, the confidence line can be overstepped. Watch out for boys who have a ‘God complex’. This means that they view themselves higher than everyone else, putting themselves on a pedestal... unfortunately this means that they have placed you underneath. Don’t give these people the time of day – not when we’re fighting for equality.
- Mind games
Mind games can be a complex topic varying from relationship to relationship.. but if the person you are dating is starting to play with your emotions (or has been for a very long time) - this can be very destructive for your mental wellbeing. They are not worth it, it’s time to put your sanity first <3
Blocking someone should be enough for them to take the hint that their company is no longer desired. If you have blocked contact with them and they persist – you may be dealing with a narcissist and/or someone potentially dangerous. Harassment can include phone calls, messaging, letters, emails, messages on Depop (yes I had this – and you best believe he wasn’t buying anything..), turning up at your home or workplace, etc. Please consider reaching out to your friends and family (if you haven’t already) or possibly the authorities as a safety precaution if this is happening to you.
- What they say about their ex
Ladies, take it with a pinch (barrel) of salt if he is telling you that his ex was “crazy”. It often screams guilt, lies, and blame on his previous partner for the failed relationship. Handle this with caution, because nine times out of ten he was the problematic one.
- If your friends are skeptical, there is a reason babe.
Your friends are always going to want the best for you.. they wouldn’t say it just to rain on your parade. If they are advising you that this person isn’t any good for you, or that you should block and say goodbye to them.. it might be worth listening. They can also see the relationship from outside the ‘couple bubble’. Your friends are your eyes to what you cannot see.
This is just a touch of red flags that we may experience and many are forms of emotional abuse, which is very serious and can be detrimental to the person experiencing it.
We all deserve to be in happy and healthy relationships. Please never feel as though you should depend on a man, or that he should be the one making you happy. You are whole on your own, anyone who is coming into your life needs to be a positive addition. If they are making you anything less than happy – please know that weight will be lifted off your shoulders when they’re gone, even if it doesn’t seem that way now. There is light at the end, keep on shining girl and know your worth.
Feel free to comment on any other red flags you know about to help others out and we hope that this has helped you in any way possible.